Day Twelve

I started the morning well and went to the studio by 7am. I wedged the clay I left on the plaster board to dry last night. I am working on tall vessels that are made out of two parts since they are too narrow and tall to make in one piece. I did the usual prep work - weighing, wedging, taking out tools, the stool, the bats, a bucket of water, and of course mopping according to my new ritual. I made a tea in the mug I have not yet tried and put the music on. The mug feels nice in my hand. All is ready for me to throw.

My wheel sits in the middle of the floor.  I"m at the wheel and all these to-do stuff run through my head. I need to respond to that emails. I need to buy a bigger scale for shipping, I need to come up with the loft space planning, I need to finish writing the artist statement... I will take care of them later and I just have to focus on throwing. While speaking to those who I used to work with over emails and texts I noticed whenever I see their name I am hearing their voice in my head. Their face comes after which I thought was strange. With what then, do I connect the people I only know from Instagram and only emails on the screen? It was used to be handwriting - I used to be able to recognized my friend's hand writing which seems to say a lot about the writer. I had a period when I tried different writing to play different personalities.  My thought shifted to how such simple material like clay can become totally different stuff after being touch by a maker. I can, for some artists, even like a simple bowl see the person behind it just like handwriting.

Day Eleven

It was great coming to the clean studio. Good work needs a clear mind and a clear space. I heard from a few people that they have read the blog. It is great to know that someone somewhere out there is reading it and I'm not writing to the void.  I wonder how eyes of the audience alters the way I think as I write. If I was living on an island alone how would I be different? Would I be wearing clothes, would I be making ceramics? Would I be digging my own clay and keep making things, creating a pile of ceramics like a mound of oyster shells?  Thinking about the last man of the earth painting series of Dana Schultz. Would I loose the purpose of making or would I be amusing myself?

I got better in making tall pieces than a few days ago and I can visualize achieving the form better. I was having a hard time wedging a big lump of clay - 6 pounds okay but 8 lbs no so much, but today I felt good handling 8 lbs. Like a gentle touch of a finger tip marks clearly on wet clay comfortable hands show immediately on the clay form. Now I'm remembering how mosquitos like to hang out on a freshly thrown clay surface. They must be thiking that it is human skin. Isn't that strange?  They are on it for a long long time, like 10 minutes or even 20 minutes without moving and seem to be sucking no blood on a grey flesh. Actually clay does feel like skin. The first time I touched porcelain I freaked out because it felt so much like baby's soft cheek or fresh pizza dough. It felt alive. Like many mythologies from around the world say that us human has emerged from clay Japanese people were supposedly came out from mud of a rice field. This makes me a child of rice. 

Although clay irritates my skin. I got a rash from not cleaning my arms and letting clay dry on them during throwing.  My clay is nothing like what we came out of and comes in a plastic bag delivered in a truck from a NJ supplier. No plants would grow in it. Those mosquitos should not be sucking on it. 

Another hibiscus flower has bloomed facing the window. The studio looks the best in the morning when it is lit by the low sun. I came in this morning and mopped the floor again. I am pretending to be like a monk, thinking how people in Japan sweep the floor and streets in the morning. I am imagining things in the air relax and settle on the ground while we sleep at night. As I mopped the floor I went through today's program in my head. It is like a meditation. The studio is facing Grand Street where big trucks drive by but in the early morning it is still quiet.

Day Ten

Today I went mad. I was calm in the morning. I had a really good throwing session in the morning and in the early afternoon I did emailing and ordered supplies. Right around when I started reclaiming clay I needed to just clean the heck out of the studio. I had an urge to do it. This space is dusty. and it has full of stuff. I can't even hear my thoughts. I need to clean it all out so it can breath and so I can breath. I moped once with Murphy's oil then again with orange oil. I took care of the plants, wiped the shelves, reclaimed recycled clay, organized the clay boxes, organized the glaze bucket, and wiped the doors. 

Day Nine

I love being at the studio which is called Forest but I like being home too. I love coming  home and be nicely surprised by a tidy room according to my new habit I am developing. Although ofter times it is difficult to keep the surrounding clean but It should be on top of the priority list so I feel fresh, undistracted, new and ready to produce something good. At the end of the day I need to think and act as if I was my own client so I would take care the space for tomorrow's me. Also I think its healthier for me to have studio mates as having them forces me to organize the space and myself. If I was just my self I would be wearing the same dusty cloths everyday with messy hair, do not care much about what I eat and the space would be messy, I would just spread things out and I would not be happy because of these things I do to myself. Well that's not true, I like nutritious food, I like taking showers and I dislike a dusty space.  I don't need to think myself in negative words, I should feel that I am beautiful, making great work and I should be happy.

I do not feel lonely or alone when I work by myself in the studio all day long. For me it takes time to get in the rhythm of working. It is like dreaming. It is so easy to be distracted from a dream and the moment later I would not be in it anymore. Morning is a good time to produce. I can go on for 5  hours non-stop to just produce, that's a good day. 

Today I was not very happy and frustrated because I felt I was not being prouductive. I spent the morning unloading, packing, sending invoices, and measuring and drawing item specs. I was tired and that little whisper of "what's the meaning of this" came to mind. That's a trap question.  I answered that question when I was a teenager. Somehow my younger self was clearer and had more wisdom on certain things. The answer is there is no meaning. Why everything has to have a meaning? it's the process that I want to be in part of. Is that true? I don't know. It sounds like my sister who was confident that the egg came first before a chicken, of course! Then I got home and received a message from my friend who saw photos of my work somewhere and knew that I left my full-time work, and said that he wanted to see my latest work. On a day like this what gets me going is a card I receive in the mail, an email from a person who found me from Instagram, my studio mate who brings me lunch, a friend who forwards me an application to an artist grant, and an electric kettle for the studio to relax with a cup of tea in a ceramic we made.  

Day Eight

I am working on large thrown pieces and it is taking a longer than I like. I am pretty good with cylindrical forms now after 200+ pieces thrown. I am pretty comfortable with making bowls too in the same way. I guess after making 200+ of tall bottles I should become better at it. 

Thinking about the way to make the studio operation less painful and more fun one of the things I started doing is to have a bucket of water and a mop out when I start a day. so at the end of the day I am forced to empty out the bucket and since throwing out clean water is just silly I naturally mop the floor. After many hours of physical work usually filling a bucket with water seems a painful task. It would actually take only a few seconds but it becomes another thing I have to do before I turn the light off and go home.  This system also makes the cleaning throughout the day easier.

Another thing that is working for me is to make the bedroom look clean in the morning before I leave. It is nothing more tiring than coming home to a messy bedroom after working. I want to come home to relax and be ready to sleep. 

Day Seven

I woke up before 6 am and headed to the studio.  I reviewed the glaze results from yesterday before glazing the second set of the vessels. Waxed the bisque while the kiln was cooling down and threw 40 succulent pots so I have the first half of the new set ready for the next bisque firing. While the pots are drying glazed the second set of the vessels, loaded the kiln, made drawings and a clay schedule for the collection of vessels. Trimmed the succulent pots. Cleaned up, mopped.  I wish I had more time but imaginary deadlines are hard to meet. 

Continuing working on the questionnaires I started yesterday. This one is hard to answer. 

q. When and how did you know that this was your calling?

I don’t think that's something I would know. I decided this is what I do. 

Day Six

It took me some time to focus on work today. I knew I should have left the studio at a decent time to get a good night's sleep. Part of me fantasizes working all night until the crack of dawn. It's the little secret act of working through the night while everyone is asleep that gives me a bit of pleasure. But the body started falling asleep -  I had to give it a rest. 

I'm working on answering questionnaire for the upcoming projects:

Finish the following:

a. Happiness last year was...

The happiness last year was that I built my ceramic studio where I can do my work. I built with my friends all furniture and fixture including work benches, the shelving fixture, and work counters for the space with hand tools while I was still working full time. We had long nights and weekends and an achy body but it was thrilling for me to see how an empty box transformed into a functional work environment. It was my first big project that I hired someone to do some work for me where I found it is more fun to have other people involved in the process and build something together. 

b. Happiness today is...

Happiness today is that I am able to work in my studio in projects I want to try.  This is a year for me to play and find out what I can do myself in contrast to the past few years where I have been trained to design for an established brand. Happiness today is also that I have encouraging words from my friends and colleague that make me feel I am capable. Happiness today is that I am healthy, have good friends and able to structure my day.

c. Happiness tomorrow is...

Happiness tomorrow is that I don't yet know how it will be.