Day Five

I am continuing on the second half of the succulent pots project. I threw 49 pots. At this pace I will be able to finish throwing in 4 days. It is now much easier after the first half. Weighing and wedging the clay takes time - I should plan to have a help for this task. The new standing up position is working so far. I don't like sitting up and down and standing on my feet keeps me in the flow of the movement. This feels like a sport or maybe like a piano practice. After 20 or 25 pots it starts to become a rhythm. I am not fighting with time anymore. I can enjoy the flow of time, I can hear the music and I don't want to leave but just keep going with it.

The big dot piece broke in the bisque firing. I thought I gave enough drying time but it broke along the seam line that I did not think it would break. Now I remember this happened before. It is the moment that I want to pretend that it did not happen. That is my typical reaction. Let's pretend that it did not happen and maybe if I pretend really hard and perhaps also involve other people to pretend with me maybe it did not happen. I don't remember it worked that way though.  Clay has its own pace, I need to work with it.

Day Four

What I did today: I sorted out packages, revised the production schedule for this month, threw and trimmed 12 pots, prepped clay for tomorrow, loaded the kiln, read vendor manuals, and ordered required labels. The studio has been messy with lots of boxes and packaging materials. Thinking of fixing up the loft space a little better and perhaps building shelvings so there will be more floor space.  I would love to build a tea room up perhaps for the half portion of the loft, and I can build a better ladder to go up there so I and my studio mates can have tea and rest. I can even build it in a way that will protect the area from the dust. When I was building up the studio space I felt the ghost of my interior design past was haunting me. And I think of what Masaru said to me - do everything and it will serve you in the future one way or the other. For sometimes I have been thinking of sharing the shelf design for the studio for others to use, I just didn’t get to do it. There are many projects that I did not get to do it. It just a matter of knowing that there is limited time and that I need to know what’s more important. 

Ha, it smells nice here. Muji’s aroma thing is serving me well. I have received many kind words from my friends and I feel thankful and I go to bed feeling encouraged and also responsible for what I have started.

Day Three

I finished packing up 23 boxes. The packing is a mundane task but it is part of ceramic business. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if they were small unbreakable items or even things that can be sent electronically. The interesting and maybe the encouraging part is just like anything else the more I do the faster and the better I get. There are thoughts I can make it better - how they will be opened, how they will be stored... yesterday I pulled out a MacBook from a white precisely designed packaging that was a totally different experience from forcefully pulling out a thick plastic bag from the confusing carton of an Epson printer. 

Some thoughts while packing - what are the oddest things I can do this year?

I could:
- Go camping for weeks
- Hike for many days
- Go to Spain and take guitar lessons and join a band
- Build a tree-top house
- Apply for Whitney Biennial
- Make a film
- Sell my studio
- Host a dinner party of 200 people in a park
- Live on a beach for a month on an island

I don't have the intention of selling my studio of course - and that's why it is odd - but as an idea it is possible. It is setup for ceramic artists to move in and start working in the minute they walk in. I shared the list with Gareth and he does not think they are odd at all. Where are my crazier and odder thoughts ?

Day Two

Muji's aroma diffuser turned off again. I must have been sitting down for 180 min. I sat down to work on my daily schedule and monthly goals. For the first few weeks I am going to have a busy schedule for production work but I plan on starting putting in time for personal projects. Then there are a couple of deadlines for the first two personal projects. After that I can start sorting out different ideas and see which one I am going to pursue. I've been sitting here a while because different thoughts come and go and they distract me. I am having a hard time focusing and thinking in my head. I think I was much better at it when I was younger. Thoughts are like dreams that slip away if I don't try really hard to grab on to them. I like trying to remember dreams when I wake up and if I concentrate I can often remember them. More I do more I seem to be able to remember. it is fun to read back my dream notes after a while and to be able to recall the dream vividly. I'm not so interested in the meaning of dreams but rather remembering and forgetting part interests me. 

Day One

My Day One was mellow. I woke up late, took a walk, went to the studio to pay the rent and to help Gareth load the kiln, came home and cooked dinner - It has been a while since the last time I cooked. After so many months of being a loyal Seamless customer this feels like luxury. Go shopping, make food and eat at home like I used to. Why do I have to run all the time. This year, starting today, I"m working for my self full time. In my mind it is easier for me to look at this and think that I am putting myself in an experiment for one year, to see what I will come out of it, and I want to document how I spend it. I decided to make the log public so I have the pressure of having an audience and therefore I really need to get it done. I am seeing this as, even if I fail, I will at least have a year-long practice of keeping a journal so I should become better at writing the least. 

I feel surprisingly calm and neutral on starting this new life of doing whatever I want to do for one year. I was vaguely dreaming of leaving my full-time work for some time, until it became obvious that I need to try it. I thought I would be excited, scared, or nervous today but I just feel like this is the most natural thing I need to do now, the time has just arrived so here I go. If anything I feel unprepared.  But at this moment in my life I know I will never be able to start anything if I wait until I feel ready.

So I thought I'm not jumping up and down maybe because of the season. Somehow winter does not seem so fitting for embarking on an adventure. It's cold and the day is short, isn't it more natural to stay home where you know where things are and stay cozy in a blanket?  Winter is a time to sleep and dream. Rather spring seems synonymous to awakening. But here I am. New year has a significant meaning in Japanese culture. After living more than 20 years in NY I am habitually very New Yorker but culturally still very Japanese.