Day Forty-Seven

Why I decided to leave it until the last minutes I don't know. First of all I did not make up my mind fully but just kind of decided to kind of submit it when the time comes, which was today.  I was going to send Fantasy and Nightmare project to Emerging Artist call by Ceramic Monthly Magazine, which deadline is tomorrow.  So this afternoon I wrote the artist statement. Then as I was going though images I remembered the backdrop needed to be cleaned up. Looking for a shortcut I called the photographer who came to my studio a few months ago if he had any photos but heard no answer. I only found 8x10 paper for photo printing, smaller than letter-size paper like they are asking. I don't have a CD nor a CD burner. My UPS guy Fernando waved to me from the other side of the street when I left the studio to a print shop to get the images burned on a CD. They indeed had both CDs and burners but they did not work.  The time was already past 5pm. I checked in with UPS pickup counter and, despite their claimed last pickup time, they already came and left. I grabbed a UPS express envelop and sealed it without a CD under a scaffolding. These things used to be readily available to me. Am I going to call my self an artist and act proudly in clay covered pants, holed shoes and messy hair? Fernando's truck had of course already gone. I saw three UPS trucks going down the other side of Grand Street as I walked from one pickup location to the next and back by the studio to drop-off lockers by a gas station.  I had no idea when they would come to check on these lockers. I pressed a button for the service call which just responded to me with a busy signal. I stared at the brown and yellow doors, thinking when they took out Paul Rand's logo. This is silly. I am sending it and going to drop it off here. Good luck, envelop.

Day Forty-Six

I am now running the second last glaze firing for the succulent pots. There are 45 of them in the kiln. I'm just remembering the time I bisque-fired at the previous studio in a manual kiln and somehow the cone stuck on the cone sitter. It went far beyond the temperature it needed and the ware came out completely vitrified with bubbles looking like bitter melons. I lost everything in that kiln.  It was a disaster.  Last week I changed the elements in the large kiln since one of them were broken. It looked like I broke it when I changed the thermocouple a few days earlier. Removing and reinstalling the elements made me come to think the kiln is not a magic box but rather a logically designed apparatus. Electricity heats up the heating elements, which are tucked in and pinned in the grooves in the kiln bricks so both elements and wares are protected. The elements closest to the lid and the bottom have the smaller gauge and the elements closer to the midpoint has the larger gauge so the heat is balanced throughout the kiln chamber. Yes I have read that before, but understanding by handling is a bit different experience. Knowing a little more about tools helps me stay interested in maintaining them and using them with care.

Day Forty-Five

I loaded the third from the last firing for the succulent pots project. 

The bisque firing is just cooling down for the time I start the work in the morning. My work table is setup by the kiln. I pull out pots one by one inspecting - especially looking for a sign of crack at the bottom (I still have this - thought I have learned to be patient enough not to rush the drying) - and wiping the dust on the surface on the bisque. Put them on the work bench. I then draw circles on the bisque with wax, one at top over the rim first and then two at the bottom. As I finish waxing I put them on the low table table with wheels, (I initially made these tables for the glazing station but the number of buckets grew and they do not fit under the counter so to make more room I took out the caster tables. It is a low table like 18"H and not great as a work table but it works well for moving ceramic ware from this side to the other end of the studio. The floor is not even and a higher table will make the ceramics chatter) to the glazing station at the other end of the studio. I mix the glaze in the bucket, dip the first layer of glaze, and wipe the beads of glaze remain on the waxed area. It is easier to wipe them when the glaze is sill wet, rather than to wait until all pots are glazed, by the time the glaze is dry and hard.  Then I apply the second layer of color glaze, wipe the glaze on the waxed area with a sponge again, and put them back on the wheeled table, by a fan is setup to dry the ware. 

I know exactly how many pots will fit in the kiln. I rolled the wheeled table back to the kiln area and stamp the bottom one by one as I put them in the kiln. 

A system may sound boing but it saves me from otherwise unnecessary additional footwork, inspections, and handling which could end up in wasted time, mistakes, lost items, lost counts, breakage, confusions, worries ...the stuff I don't like.  Once it becomes a habit it frees up my mind to dream about the next project. 

This I learned after 300 succulent pots. 

Day Forty-Four

I did three things that I have not done a long while.

I went to Donghia studio the first time since I left at the end of December. I often think excitements and nervousness feel similar and think they might be actually the same thing happening to our body. It's the rushing heart beat and the unusual uncomfortableness I get to decide if I'm nervous or excited.  This was the feeling I had in the elevator going up to the studio. But as soon as I saw the familiar faces I felt welcomed and I appreciate I am able to feel that way. For this I say arigato, which derived from arigatai, meaning uncommon and precious. 

Second, I went to a museum to see Voulkos exhibition at Museum of Art and Design. Only, the show was closed today for a floor repair. I got to see fiber artworks by Francoise Grossen, which got me excited (again being nervous and excited feel so similar to me). Now I am thinking of combining fiber and ceramic in my work - I think for Fantasy and Nightmare project it may work in an interesting way - something fading, from fiber to ceramics, the play of different volumes and body... something to play with.

Third - I went clothing shopping and I now have a pair of pants with no hole.

Day Forty-Three

I must be getting used to this. I'm slacking. 

I skipped one day and another day - the next day.... I have to remind myself why I am doing it and think why I am not doing it. I am doing this because 1) I want to keep a logbook of my year-long experiment, 2) I want to practice writing and 3) I want to complete a project that I do everyday. I hear my voice saying that I don't have much interesting things to say so I'm not entertaining or I sound boring but that should not matter. That is not the goal of this logbook project.  I woke up this morning and thought after 40 days, I'm getting comfortable and loosing the urgency.

At the same time there are a few things I can think of that make it easier to continue with a project: 1) find a way to get feedbacks: hearing from other people helps sticking to it when it does not seem important or meaningful because when others are involved, it does not depend on what I am thinking, which likes to drift. 2) Make myself believe that this is what I am - so for this project I am just going to believe and decide I am a log keeper.

At the end I found writing fun. I don't know what I would say before the first sentence and I get to be surprised by what came out in a 3" block of texts.

Day Forty-Two

I was feeling a little angry today. Yesterday I was grumpy. The stuff! Too much stuff again. When this happens swimming usually helps me feel better, a lot better. But today it was not working. I have been taken a few hours a day to clean up the studio the past few days and yet it did not look like I made much progress.  I have not anything fun or creative this year yet. All production work but I am at the end of it soon.  I am not the cleanest, neatest person in the world. Particularly growing up I was a messy kid. I was just remembering the time my mother had enough of my messiness and threw the stuff I had spread on the floor in my nook in the back yard.  I looked around the studio and oh man - where will I begin. Does it have to do with something ate?  I usually don't have a craving for sweets and rather don't like them but the past few days somehow I started eating ice cream. Is this what sugar is doing to me?

So I was thinking thing morning.  I spent the afternoon cleaning up, getting rid of old glaze test tiles, going through stuff, and taking care of the plants which made me feel a little better. Being angry makes me tired so I am not a fan.

Day Forty-One

I spent just a few hours at the studio finishing the glazed pots, packing, unloading the kiln and loading up another glaze firing. I took care of a few things there and spent the rest of the day reading about other artists, artists organizations and residency programs. There are so many programs and so many places to visit and yet so many things I want to do at the studio. The time never seems enough. Right now I want a bit of time to be away from the realness of life and spend some time in fantasies.